2019-2020: The 56th Anniversary Quiz

Ah, good, if you’re reading this then that means I could successfully link this page to the 2019-2020 past events page. Probably the most successful thing I’ve managed to achieve in the last 3 years (well, besides – SPOILERS). Anyhow, carrying on from the last page, here are the rounds of the quiz with the creative questions and David’s bonus round, along with the results. So settle in reader, this is gonna be a long one.

Round 1: Numbers – This round featured questions based around simple calculations using numbers provided throughout the show (e.g. The age the 6th Doctor says he is minus the age the 9th Doctor gives in Aliens of London).

Bonus: Write a Christmas episode featuring the 13th Doctor, a [REDACTED], Prince Harry and a satsuma.

This one was difficult based on the fact we can’t actually say the word [REDACTED] due to last years AGM but just so you can actually understand this paragraph, the [REDACTED] was the monster from the Tsuranga Conundrum (starts with P ends with ting). It was a wild ride, with some very different stories produced:

Story 1: A group of aliens who collect Historical figures arrive at Buckingham Palace to abduct Harry but mistake a [REDACTED] with a satsuma on it’s head as the Prince (as they see them both as ginger). The Doctor must rescue them when the [REDACTED] starts eating through the ship. It also involved the exploding Christmas tree from The Runaway Bride and ends with the 13th Doctor regenerating into a duplicate of Prince Harry (they’re finally ginger!).

Story 2: Ok someone forgot to write this down so I have no idea what their story was about. Partly my fault, I have a memory like a sieve and also because I mainly only remember David’s Magnum Opus (see story 4).

Story 3: An Orange Christmas – A [REDACTED] has a particular taste for orange coloured objects and sets its sights on Harry. This action-packed adventure features a chase through London, a helicopter pursuit and the return of Jackie Tyler and her fake tan.

Story 4: Genesis of the [REDACTED] – The Doctor and friends are invited to dinner with the Queen, but the Doctor sneaks off, whilst the others are too polite to leave. Turns out, Meghan is an alien and gives birth to the [REDACTED] which proceeds to eat many of the stolen treasures¬†artifacts. Cue many background shots of the Doctor and Harry chasing an alien down hallways (think the Hoix from Love and Monsters) before finally tricking it into eating a satsuma. Our episode ends when the Queen kicks them out of the Palace, as Graham has talked about buses non-stop for 3 hours and the Queen can’t take any more.

Round 2: Costume design – Several images were displayed on screen, along with the name of a costume designer and the years they were active. Our teams had to work out which costumes were designed by that designer and then in the last question, try to remember who designed the Sea devils (the answer God was not accepted).

Bonus: Act out an iPhone advert starring William Hartnell

The founding father of Doctor Who is fondly remembered for being quite short-tempered, a bit forgetful and black-and-white. He undoubtedly wouldn’t understand what an iPhone is, nor would he particularly care, so who better to try and sell one than him?

Advert 1: As it’s 1963, the closest thing to an iPhone would have been a brick with a screen on it. Which makes it a good weapon to throw at cavemen. Also great for keeping in touch with your granddaughter.

Advert 2: Right, so Team 2 apparently didn’t write their creative rounds down. And since I’m writing this on the Tuesday after, this means I don’t remember their answer. Sorry guys. I’d be concerned they’d be angry, but come on. They don’t read the website. No-one does. This is an excuse to talk to myself without appearing insane.

Advert 3: Involves Hartnell reading off a script and making no effort to hide it. Thankfully, mid-filming someone hands him some airpods.

Advert 4: Starring William Hartnell, a cameraman/director and a guy who had nothing to do so stood around pretending he was holding a boom mic (guess which one I was), this advert involved Hartnell constantly forgetting his lines, being confused about the concept of colours and talking about smacked bottoms.

Round 3: Name those characters – Several D-list (in that they had about 1 line) characters were shown on the screen and our teams had to guess their names. If you also collected the Doctor Who battles in time trading cards, you’ll likely know these characters for being those duplicates that you binned immediately.

Bonus: Pitch a Big Finish audio centred around a piece of furniture

As you’ll see later, this is not the weirdest concept for a Big Finish audio. Some of the stories pitched were actually quite thought provoking and intelligent. Others… were not.

Pitch 1: This story was based on the Hatstand that is always seen in the TARDIS, no matter what the rest of the console room looks like. There’s not much I can write here, as the notes only say Hatstand, but I do remember this was the only story that didn’t involve the furniture being sentient.

Pitch 2: Ok this one was deep. It involved a sentient chair having an existential crisis and coming to terms with the pointlessness of its existence on a prison planet designed to keep a blob trapped. Yeah too many of us related to that. Only difference was the planet in question was trapping the Nestene Consciousness in the story, and here, the planet is Cambridge.

Pitch 3: Can’t seem to remember this one. Oh no wait I’ve got it, it was a sentient bed voiced by Dame Judi Dench. It described its experiences with all the companions and then had its innocence shattered by Amy and Rory. Yeah it turned into smut fanfiction towards the end. Think it also involved Clara dying but I can’t remember how. Think I was too excited by the concept of Clara dying.

Pitch 4: Wherever you lay your hat – With both David and Tom on the team, we had this Big Finish round in the bag. It stars the Hatstand (great minds think alike Team 1) and was narrated from its perspective. The stand describes its many aeons of life in the TARDIS and how it helps in a crucial moment: causing a cyberman to trip up. Also, the hatstand is voiced by Morgan Freeman. Big Finish when you want to turn this into an audio, just send us a message and pay us cash up front, thanks.

Round 4: Name that ship – To be clear, we had to provide the correct name of the ship on screen. We didn’t just get to give a ship a name (personally I thought the Tsuranga looked like a Geraldine). As is British tradition, when the opportunity arose, someone did call a ship Boaty McBoatface. We are a classy people aren’t we?

Bonus: Create a DVD cover for the follow up documentary to Neil Sean’s highly recommended D.R.W.H.O. the lost interviews.

I cannot express in this sentence how excited I was for this. Not only would my A-level Art pay off, but we got to design a new cover based around society meme and celebrity guru Neil Sean. I have no idea if we can use his name on this website. He blocked us on Twitter when we sent a message, so if we get sued and I’m arrested for libel, know that I’m not surprised and I don’t regret it. He deserves this for the abomination he created.

Cover 1: D.A.L.E.K.S A.N.D. D.O.G.S. T.H.E. R.O.B.O.T.S O.F. D.O.C.T.O.R W.H.O. (good lord that was annoying to type). This sequel cover features a Dalek made of a whisk, a laundry basket and a colander, sitting next to K-9, who is a dog wearing a cardboard box. The DVD itself contains a recording of John Leeson at the Cambridge Union (recorded using a hidden pinhole camera) which is repeated around 17 times and an interview with “Nicholas Briggs”, who’s actually Neil Sean using a voice modulator and sitting in the dark.

Cover 2: Hey, team 2 actually wrote this one down! Aaaaand it’s practically illegible. The only thing I can make out is a sign for Broadchurch, which I must admit is a very Neil Sean thing to do.

Cover 3: D.R.W.H.O. The Found Interviews (Get it?). Features a really awful photoshop of Neil Sean on the frog chair from It takes you away¬†except he’s way too small. The back cover also contains pictures of various cast members, but if you zoom into the background you can see Neil in the bushes with a camera.

Cover 4: P.R.O.F.E.S.S.O.R. W.H.O.M. TM (a D.R.W.H.O. fan film) hosted by celebrity guru NEIL SEAN. This cover featured Neil Sean sitting in a wheelie bin and holding his trademark microphone out of it. We figured he’d do this because he’d probably only seen Rose and deduced the wheelie bin was going to be a recurring character. Also the DVD comes with 93 new fast facts (of which there are only 16 and 6 of them are wrong).

Final round: Now let’s see who’s really under that mask – Yeah the title says it all doesn’t it? Just had to match the actor to the masked character they played. Simples.

Bonus: Use an iconic Doctor Who speech for something really mediocre and lame

An inventive round where the teams had to tarnish the legacy of the show and use those emotional speeches the Doctor gives for something just really naff. See for yourself:

Speech 1: The Doctor’s speech in The Christmas Invasion about the Lion King, only this time he’s actually auditioning for the Lion King. Also, John Barrowman disrupts the audition by entering flamboyantly and doing a duet with David Tennant. 10/10 would see again.

Speech 2: Again, not written down but I do actually remember this one. The 1st Doctor’s goodbye speech to Susan in The Dalek Invasion of Earth, only delivered by the 11thDoctor to his bow tie.

Speech 3: The 9th Doctor’s goodbye speech to Rose in The Parting of the Ways, only to a rose he’s pulling up in his garden. Bit lame but their back-up was amazing: the 10th Doctor’s speech to the Beast in The Satan Pit about ‘believing in her’ but the her in question is Theresa May. Tom nearly died of laughter for this one. I was very concerned for his safety.

Speech 4: We had a few, but our main speech was the 10th Doctor’s Time Lord victorious speech from The Waters of Mars, except used for really menial things, such as travelling back in time 2 minutes because he just missed the bus, or because his soup cooled down and he couldn’t be bothered to reheat it.

Oh thank God it’s done. Yep this was an action packed quiz filled with many inventive scenarios that Big Finish will probably pick up. The final scores were as follows:

Team 1: 54.25

Team 2: 62.1

Team 3: 50.5

Team 4: 62.5

By a very narrow margin, the Dream Team (David, Tom and me) scraped a victory, wining a grand prize of nothing. Wooh! Admittedly if we scored this based solely on correct answers, team 2 probably would have won, but hey, we’ll take bonus points for jokes any day. We’re pretty desperate.

Well that’s all for no- Oh wait, there was also David’s round. Look if you’ve made it this far, you might as well read on. It was a great round, cementing David as the Big Finish king, with Kieran and Tom as his rightful heirs. The round involved various Big Finish speeches and songs (promise me you’ll never play the Scorchies if you meet me) and also featured a section where we had to guess which character the mouth on screen belonged to. Yeah I’m as confused as you are. Surprisingly, beloved children’s TV presenter Dave Benson Philips made an appearance in the smiles, which really threw a curve ball into the mix. Anyway, scores are as follows:

Team 1: 14

Team 2: 9 (I think? Again team 2 didn’t keep a good record)

Team 3: 7.5

Team 4: 15

Another close round, but when you’ve known David for 3 years you know what to expect. A situation involving Giant Hamsters on Eurovision who communicate by smelling armpits has weirdly become too normal for us to disregard. Also, Big Finish better make Cybermen ninjas and samurais. Now David’s teased it, we all realised we need this in our lives. All in all, it was a fun night of quizzing and creativity, successfully tiding us over before the holidays. Although we didn’t get to listen to the advertised audio, we did get to poke fun at Neil Sean, and isn’t that what the anniversary quiz is really about?

And now dear viewer we have reached the end of this quiz write-up, which could probably be considered more a book than a webpage. If you have taken the time to read this absolute mess of a past events summary, then I guess you’re the real winner here. In any case, I’m the loser, as I just spent 2 hours writing this up. Still, beats doing an essay and having to talk to people. Ugh, people.

(In case Kieran reads this, please note that was sarcasm, I’m really enjoying writing these, please don’t fire me)